Shifting from living by default to living by design
“My dating life sucks right now…. join the club!”
“I can’t stand my job or my boss…join the club!”
“My skin is looking terrible and making me feel insecure…join the club”
“I never have enough time to myself or to go to the gym and get healthy…join the club!”
FUCK THOSE CLUBS…
Living life in survival mode
The above statements seem innocuous and innocent enough on the surface, but they are literally the express lane to hell, do got pass go, do not collect $200, just go straight to hell. Now im not talking about the Judeo-Christian Hell of the bible, but of our own personal self-imposed hell. One full of hate, anger, jealousy, insecurity, fear, worry, rumination…and the list goes on and on.
More often than not those statements are uttered by people who are “just surviving”, “getting by”,” taking whatever life sends their way.” They don’t take the time to get clear on what matters to them and what it is they want out of life.
We all know or have people in our lives who take every chance they can to complain when the “wrong” thing happens, but I always find myself wondering, what was it that they wanted to happen anyway, what was the “right” thing?
“When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.” — Seneca
If you don’t know what your goal is how will you know if you have succeeded, if you don’t know what you intend to happen, how will you know when it does, if you don’t know what you want, how will you know when it shows up at your front door?
It comes down to one word in my opinion — “CHOICE.” We are infinitely powerful choice makers, we are the authors of our reality, the protagonists of our tale, the heroes and heroines with a thousand faces.
Jim Rohn used to say, “You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction.”
The minute I changed the quality of my choices, I changed the quality of my life, and its direction.
Last week as I turned 43, I stopped to take stock of my life, to look at the gap and the gain, where was I a year ago as compared to where I am today? This year I celebrated my wins rather than focusing on the to do’s that I didn’t get….to do. I looked at the gain with joy, love, and happiness, and I studied the gap with compassion, kindness, and forgiveness. I reminded myself that there is always another level in life, and that in this life of permanent impermanence we are always either evolving or devolving, as change is the only constant.
Shifting our lives from default, to design is a hard and long process of changing your personal reality, which according to Dr. Joe Dispenza requires us to change our personality. To question our likes and dislikes to question why we do things, to question our motives, and to uncover our WHY.
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” — Nietzsche
Living by design
A life by design requires getting clear on your why, getting clear on the things you want in life, getting clear on your goals and your objectives, and getting clear on what meaning your life is making.
Anyone involved in personal development will tell you that transformation is messy business, it means sitting in your shit and looking at it, it means sleepless nights, and dark days, it can even mean blood sweat and tears. None of that is fun, which is the reason you need a strong and powerful WHY.
Your why is the light at the end of the tunnel, so make sure it is big and it is yours (don’t go chasing down other people’s why’s as it needs to resonate personally), it is something that will get you excited and looking forward to the new days and weeks to come.
Once you have a powerful why, you begin to get clear on what you want in your life, and you start making powerful choices shifting you from living in a world of “cause and effect”, to a world where we start “causing an effect.”
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” — Wayne Dyer
When I started to get intentional about my life, when I got clear on my “Why”, that’s when I went from surviving, to thriving and I began to look forward to everything and anything, that’s when I went from not being able to sleep because I couldn’t stand the thought of another meaningless day, to not being able to sleep from excitement over the joy and wonder in the new day to come.
I am grateful for everything and I love life, I try to live my life every day by the Stoic credo — Amore Fati — to love one’s fate.
If we truly are the architects and designers of our lives isn’t it time we took some pride in our work and designed a life worth living, a life by design and not one by default, a life in which we truly have nothing whatsoever to complain about.
“Life isn’t fully measured by how many days we live, but rather by how many days we have lived fully.”
Can also be found on Medium at: https://medium.com/@davidlozovsky/shifting-from-living-by-default-to-living-by-design-8d549b317971